Notes from my Hajj Journal I

December 24, 2006

And so it began. I’m on my way to Abu Dhabi... I have mu laptop in the car, so I decided to type the first part of my entry. It's become very popular for people to write their experiences once they come back from their travels, and Hajj is one of them. I'm not sure I want to follow the trend. I'm not sure how people can share the most intimate and private thoughts... their closeness to Allah (swt). Those who've asked, I've told them I'm nervous. Nervous... that my Hajj be accepted, that it be safe...

I know right now I long to be able to come back and tell all those people who asked me to pray for them, that I did.. that I took their duas with me, and tell them of the places I prayed for them at.....

But I dont know if I'll return.

4pm @ Jeddah Airport- Pilgrims section

Abu Dhabi airport was pretty…interesting. This one uncle on his way for Hajj started shouting @ the poor airport officials who sent him upstairs twice.

A khutbah is going on in the flight. We’ll be approaching the meeqat soon. The khatib is explaining the 3 types of Hajj and that you don’t have to wear Ihram if you’re going to Madinah first.

I received lots of tips from people, especially Farah Aunty. She told me to make sure I don’t miss the meeqat while making the niyyah in flight, when they announce it. She also told me that the crowd for stoning is less on one side, and that I should go to the end to throw the stones… and some other stuff.

I was feeling nervous. I took out my notes, read them, and felt much better.

Last night, I had read Sawitri’s Hajj memoirs. I was overwhelmed. She’s such an amazing sister, she captured so much in a few words.

I turned 23 today. My friend Sana said that this is the best birthday gift I could ever get. I know. It’s unbelievable.

Especially thinking about how difficult this had been. I remember having a conversation with someone- “When do you want to go for Hajj?”, I asked. “This year inshallah if I don’t get married, otherwise next when I can save up for two people.”

For girls in my culture, it’s not customary for them to go for Hajj before they get married. In fact, what people say is that, “spend an entire lifetime in sin, and then go for Hajj to repent”.

8:30pm

Still @ the airport. Really, how people even reach their destination is a miracle. Reminds me of my Hafiz sahib telling me about the organised chaos in India. He was once telling us how in India, everything just falls into place, despite extreme corruption, no centralisation of the transit system, the trains don’t have a schedule to run on, yet the country has progressed so much- life moves on. And it’s the same @ the Jeddah Pilgrims section of the airport. Total chaos, very few people know what’s really going on, and everyone else is sitting and having tea in the middle of the airport.

Saudi Arabia

The home of the 2 holiest cities, so holy that they’re blessed with real things from Paradise- the black stone in Makkah, and the Rawdah in Madinah.

As we exited the plane, in the bus to the airport, a sister noticed my UofT sling bag and started chatting with me. She was travelling with Nugget Travels from Scarborough. They were going to Madinah first.

I really wished the airport was non-smoking. I changed my seat several times and then finally gave up. Every other employee or guest @ the airport smoked. Little I knew that I would soon discover that the situation isn’t much better in the cities. I looked around me, and thought, nothing about this airport reflects the wealth of Saudi. This could be Africa, and you wouldn’t have noticed the difference. There are simply too many men everywhere. Do they even have a website?

Through the painful waiting hours I spent @ the airport, I often wished we were with a group… or at least a few more people. But there’s blessing and wisdom in every arrangement that we had. The airport authorities really exhausted my father. I prayed silently for Allah to help him, because for the time I was standing there, he must have run @ least 8 times between the finance and the pilgrims office.

I made a renewed effort to clear my conscience and intentions. Too many thoughts!

Notes about my Hajj Journal

I tried to use the present tense wherever I could, but unfortunately, many times I would be too disheartened, or tired to write. I wish now that I didn’t lose any opportunity to pen my thoughts, but then it would have changed my entire experience. In so many ways, what a person writes does not reflect the changes they undergo within them.

I know this isn't the most vivid or best account I could write. Having worked for a year, my first priority was to go for Hajj as soon as I could. However, my plans wouldn't come together. Every door closed up on me and I locked myself up with depression. I couldn't understand what was happening in my life, and why I was facing nothing but rejection.

My parents couldn't see me suffer like that, and so my father, canceled all his important meetings, changed his investment plans, did whatever else he had to, and decided to, with Allah's Will, make my Hajj possible. We had our visas stamped some 4-5 days before the date of departure. It was truly an invitation from Allah, because such last minute plans are hardly entertained by travel agencies.

I was quite embarrassed before Allah (swt). How could I have not been patient through my ordeals in life? Perhaps I felt He had taken something away from me, but He replaced it with the best experience a Muslim could ever have, and that's how it was going to be.

A part of me was not completely prepared. I had a few exchanges, some words of advice, a fiqh course on SunniPath, and internet searches. I was going to be on my own. This was going to be my father's second Hajj, and mashallah, he had prepared well. I didn't want to discuss fiqh issues with him, because my own knowledge was recently acquired, and I was scared to confuse myself. Hence, despite being part of a group, I was on my own.

To my friends going for hajj this month

Your experience at Hajj is one that you should never forget. Ozair just reminded me it's been a year now! Alhamdulillah my hajj experience was quite amazing. A few of my friends were also at Hajj last year and I managed to meet up with them. It was great!

I remember talking to Sawitri a month after we returned from Hajj and asking her, when will I feel the impact? And she said that sometimes it comes much later, and the older you are, the earlier it hits you.

Even though it was just me and my father, I think Alhamdulillah I managed to do a few interesting things. I was sick all the way in Madinah and was able to go to the Masjid once a day, if at all. But, I managed to join Rania's Hajj group to visit a Sheikh who was 99 years old, mashallah...

I can't say that Hajj is a spiritual experience. It's actually an experience of struggling to experience spirituality amidst millions of people.

Those who are going for hajj this year have been asking me for advice and tips. All that information can be found online. In fact, there's also a website that Hafsa had found last year- Hajj Tips.com.

What advice would I give?

• Try to go out of your as much as you can to help people. An old woman/man might need help in making tawaf, someone might lose their slippers, others may get lost, many people lose money as well. There are endless opportunities to help others.
  
• Be generous. My Hajj roommate was amazing at this. She'd spend a lot herself, and encourage me to spend as well, and with anything she bought she'd remind me, "wow, there's so much reward in this! aur kharch karo!"
• Try to do a tawaf a couple of times a day or more (after/before each salah).
  
• People will make you go crazy...... ignore them and be patient.
• Don't waste a single second on the day of Arafat. Most people in my tent were busy with either their chai, or gossiping (unbelievable) or sleeping!
  

that's all :)

And I carried lemon, tea bags and honey with me everywhere I went. Mummy said that if you have black tea with lemon and honey in it, it will protect you from illness.

Hajj Memories

As salamu alaikum
I've been very unfair with myself for not completing a written record of my experiences at Hajj this past year. So many times I'd open up the word document, with the intention of typing the daily log, but I'd lapse into memories of what happened, and close the document unchanged.

This past year, my flight was on 24th December, the day I turned 23. It was a very different beginning for a "new" year in my life, because everything had changed- my circumstances, my surroundings, the people I was with, my goals in life, my career- all at once. Alhamdulillah I was prepared.

Inshallah I want to go for Hajj again soon. But first, I'll start posting what I've accumulated in words so far.
-H

Back from Hajj

This morning @ 9am we left Madinah for Jeddah airport, and Alhamdulillah, Baba and I are back from Hajj. We were with Sawitri and her brother @ Jeddah airport today... subhanallah, Allah unites me with people I love in the most beautiful of meetings. Our flights were scheduled to leave @ the same time!

I was supposed to leave for Pakistan on Friday, but we cancelled. I'm down with the Hajj flu... also a bit sad that I'm going to miss Khadija's wedding in Pakistan- We've known their family for as long as I can remember. Uncle and Baba are best friends, but... I'm happy that I get to avoid all the glamour and show of being @ a wedding right after Hajj!

I guess... the unravelling of my trip will start when I unpack tomorrow. As I think, I feel as if Hajj is more about what you do afterwards. What do you do with your life, when you know Allah has forgiven you, and cleansed you of everything?