My eyes laugh and my heart cries

Today

I wish..
I could be with you
You little child with needles and cables
to hold your tiny hands in mine

I wish..
I could be with you
You little orphan with so many others
to share my parents with

I wish..
I could be with you
You elderly abandoned by your destiny
to share my home with

I wish..
I could be with you
You the one who cannot walk
to share my support with

I wish..
I could be with you
You the one who cannot talk
to share my words with

I wish..
I could be with you
You innocent prisoner
to share my faith with

I wish..
I could be with you
You soul lying in the dark
to share my blankets with

I wish..
I could be with you
You wounded struggler
to share my jihad with

I wish..
I could be with you
You families in one tent
To share my food with

I wish..
I could be with you
My innocent deflowered sisters
To share my protector with

I wish..
I could be with you.

Bleeding Words

Posting another one from my old blog:

When things are not what they seem
When you dont know real from dream
And it's hard to scream
What can make everything better
Except letting yourself bleed

These pills of emotions
Drown me in a universe of void
Silence becomes sacred
With bleeding words flowing outside

The whispers lie to me
With promises of freedom
from the forces of darkness

And these bleeding words
Continue to flow
Through my heart
Through my hands
Pouring over me
As the moon slowly yields

And the red colours blend around me
With my dreams flowing away
Leaving my soul aching
Chasing your distant rainbow
That they may never reach

The doves brush past my scars
Leaving me to be
As their wings span the horizon
The words continue to bleed...

Written on April 6, 2006

Change starts with You.

The changes in life are projections
of decisions that know no influence
and those that are mine
Once I lived a life that drives
inspiration in those around me
Humbled was the soul
when effects of relentless efforts
did not get reflected on the self
And that's when doubts arose
And that's when thoughts diverged
Forced to think to self
'There's no motivation'

Hope lies alone in close relations
In my dark, dusty unrealities
He lights the fire within me
Amidst my uncanny doubts
His spirit interferes to revive me
Yet again when my heart drowns
The essence of his time fills me
And when I hold up my weak hands
His strength pushes them higher

'O Soul! Will you be my downfall?'
'O Soul! Won't you pick me up?'
'O Soul! Test me not this way
for I will sure fail'

'My Lord, have I earned from Your Mercy?'
'My Lord, have I accounted for my soul?'
'My Lord, when the end is near,
Can I not be told?'

the whispers....
the whispers say 'fear not,
'You have certainly fashioned indelible footprints
But you will only be raised in spirit
if you continue walking in your wavelength
And you continue to lead by example'

A misery of two, carried alone by one

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

ya Allah, strengthen my burdened heart
I can't seem to carry further
There is weakening in resolve
I want to give up
My hands want to take up matters
I feel they are being satirical
My self refuses to wait
I want it to end
Yet I don't want to lose what I don't have
And I don't often feel this way

This life is grieved by the spear of contentment
Every moment it is embezzling the rich taste of martyrdom
If I attain the wealth of grief in Your path,
I'll be free of the grief of both the worlds.

ya Rabb, you are the Over-Turner of hearts
Illuminate my heart and soul
Make it firm on your path
dear Lord, You have in the days of my life winds of beneficence
Make me benefit from them
ya Rabb, You are the Creator of all that's Beautiful
Make me release what I hold on to
Oh Allah, You are the Most Merciful
Make me taste the fruits of forgiveness

My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me

End of dreams

I was tested with you
and you with me
You failed the test
And I was left broken

Stand by the ocean side
The future beholds what the eyes see
Like the sparkling foamy rich water
Infinite in love
Infinite in care
You were dear to me

Are you now collecting
Shattered pieces of glass
While the affair of my heart
is disowned by me?
You slipped into your tomorrow
And made me of the past

You were the moonlight in my window
The last crimson sun rays
The silhouette of mountain edges
Today all I have are dreams
Would they end without you?

Beyond the soaring winds

The eagle set out
to conquer great heights
Spanning its majestic wings
from horizon to horizon

It swoops high and low
And in all its grace
cinches its preys with every launch
challenging the rules of time

Yet the pride of the eagle
brings its own downfall
Beneath all that grandeur
Lies the deluge of all that it expounds

In an artless dive for glory
Its wing ricochets the side of a rock
A loud cry reverberates through the valley
And leaves the eagle with a broken wing

With my broken wing
I have lost all strength
Every ruffle in my feathers
Reminds of the onset taint

'I must soar', I acclaim
Yet the end is here
End of great journeys
And my voice drowns in my fear

I am but a grim portrait of despair
Against the bright canvass of space
No longer able
to accomplish remarkable feats

To it belongs the conquered lands
To it is attributed all power
This creature smaller than beasts
Yet perfection it doesnt possess

The keyword is... let go

Let go, and set yourself free
Let go, and fill yourself with ecstasy

Let go, you only feel you need it
Let go, and the future's brighter without it

Let go, 6872.26 miles away from you
Let go, it's time you have to

Let go, for you're worth more than this
Let go, because your chronic situation insists

Let go, for these are your fears
Let go, and don't test your tears

Let go, life is begging you to move on
Let go, and you'll be long gone

when life will reveal
this step wasn't a big deal
and you're meant for better things

A mother's heart

Sheikh Muhammad ibn Faqih narrated this in the Rules of Engagement class:
Promised a man of old
a lad, dinars and gold

For a price like no other
the very heart of his mother

For glitter he did not stagger
took to his mother a long dagger

Pulled out her heart with his hands bare
for everlasting riches, a small fare

Heart in hand, he rushed in haste
not a moment he wished to waste

He fell, and out rolled from his hand
the heart of his mother into the sand

Out called the heart 'O son of mine'
'I hope surely you are fine'

Fear gripped the lad
'What have I done?' he said

His self he intended to punish for the vice
'O my son' called the heart: 'kill me not twice'

with Love

He sent me
A box of chocolates
with Love

A square box
With red wrapping
Gold ribbon

I paused
Unsure
Of what it may hold

Neatly arranged
Delicate-looking
with Love?

I passed my hand
Touching slightly
the perfect round shapes

It can't be that
He really cared
But, what if?

I lifted one
Let down my guard
He must care!

It touched my lips
I quivered slightly
And dropped down dead

To dust

Today
I set myself on fire
I burnt myself to ashes

The Lonely Rose

I live in a serene forest
By a winding river
Where a lonely rose grows

Every morning I look at the woods
Longing to walk through them
To discover the hidden terrain

But the lonely rose is so beautiful
A dioramic semblance of eternal truth
That sets the ambiance in my world

I guard this rouge bloom day and night
My fear of its loss is immense
And my longing for the woods is unbounded

But the rose is of the wild
And I am of the wild
We will live close to infinity

I cannot sacrifice my dreams
My hopes will outlast the rose
For one day we both will cease to be

- Dedicated to one of my most beautiful friend, Kahkashan, and someone else ;)

Yonder

Take me away
A ride on a cloud
Past those mountains
Into the sky
Above the snowy peaks
Higher than birds
Far from any element
On the rays of sun
Or the dancing moonlight
In the still winds
With the quiet stars
Faster than gushing rapids
But slower than swaying trees
Away from here

The Last Hour

Spiralling moments
In your life, in my life
Meet and fuse

Cinching eyes
Yours, mine
Affirm common goals

Beautiful company
With you, with me
Discover secret dominions

Quiet emotions
in you, in me
Melt into words

Hopeful future
for you, for me
Promise for life