Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It's all over

I woke up with a throbbing headache. What happened last night? Wait.. it's still not morning yet. Have I slept at all? I realised... I hadn't. And suddenly, I had a memory flash. My heart was pounding, and I could feel as if there was a thunder around me, inside me, about me.. What's going on? Oh Lord... all these memories... My mind had captured each image of his, so vivid, I could make out each curve on his face everytime he smiled, or frowned, or showed concern. I could hear him speak, sometimes his words mixed with laughter, and at others, I could tell he was waving his hands in the air while talking. How perfect the match. I remembered each quiet moment we had, especially those when silence rippled across our hearts...
And I was in that state for a long time...

Late afternoon I got a call. 'Mateen... I've been missing you. I've had a very bad feeling about you for a day now, so I prayed 2 nawafil and called you. Tell me what's wrong?'
'Nothing Ma... Alhamdulillah, everything's fine. What could be wrong?'
'Do you think my heart's mistaken?'
'It's all over. I've shed tears, I can shed no more. And I'm leaving it all behind me.'
'It had to be done. This is a test. It's a test. You have to be firm and overcome yourself'.
'Truly, its nothing but a blessing. I'll come around, inshallah'.

Somehow, the day passed, and then Hiba called.
'Listen, it's been 3 weeks now, I was advised not to tell you, but I need to. He's out of my life now. Sometimes, I wake up crying. I have to be strong, but I have all these thoughts. I so wanted to tell you earlier, can't believe it's been so long, Mateen. Will I ever get the fulfillment I want?'
'Remember Hiba- If you feed your strength, it will grow, and eat up your fears. But if you feed your fears, it will become a monster and eat your strength and you with it. It's all over for me as well. Last week, I talked to him. His response to my first statement made me think- Oh Lord, he's talking just like Burj. Burj said the exact same words to you, didn't he?'
'Yes he did. For once in my life, I know how you feel. I wish I could do something for you.'
'I count your presence in my life as one of the biggest blessings Allah has granted me.'
'Mateen, I do too. Thanks for listening'.
'How are you doing?'
'How I'm doing without the person I could worship? Pretty good! You and I hold on to each other like the fibres of a rope. Nothing will separate us inshallah'

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

love your writing style..