Finding the Purpose

"I haven't seen you in a while.."

"yea, been busy", I said.

And then silence.

"I have to go, long day ahead."

"Not quite.", said The Rock, "I know you didn't like what I told you last time."

"I don't like talking in circles."

"Woah...we weren't going round in circles."

"Yes, we were. I was trying to get out of the confusion, and you just pushed me deeper into it."

"I'm sorry, that was not my intention. We can talk, what do you think?"

I thought about it for a minute. And then another.

"Well, okay... ". I thought for another minute and continued. "I think I'm having problems having a constant attitude towards my life. Sometimes I'm happy with it, and at other times, I feel as if I'm not in control. And when I feel like that, all the happy times just seem as if I was really wasting..."

"Slow down", The Rock interrupted, "let's talk about the purpose of life."

"That's simple, enjoining in good, forbidding in evil; promoting brotherhood, excelling in whatever we do, and fulfilling the rights of others with excellence."

"True. Very true. And if one always keeps that in mind, they'd be such an amazing person. But, all that comes afterwards. Is that really the purpose? Why are we here? And where are we headed?"

"umm... we are here because Allah (swt) created us, and we're headed towards the Hereafter... where every person will either be in hell, or paradise..."

"Isn't it strange though", said The Rock, "that we all know it, yet, when we look at our lives, much of what we do does not even take us close to that real goal?"
And it continued...
"It can't be that everyone has the same purpose in life, otherwise, our lives would not be so different. Hence, so many people spend their lives trying to get somewhere, believing that that is their purpose. But once they get there, they're off on another quest, because they haven't quite achieved what they thought they wanted. It just seems as if they are under an illusion, and that perhaps, is another thing common to people.

And often in these quests, we reach plains of spiritual wilderness. We are frustrated that life is so rich, but it has deceived us. We question our significance, and then we long for intimacy with Allah (swt). Did we ever have it? And then we do all sorts of things to cultivate our spiritual growth to discover the abundant life we were meant to live...

And some of us find answers. Some people find the inner peace in Islam, and enter the religion, while others go astray. Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an: "Remember me, and I will remember you"... yet, we make to-do lists, 5 year plans, 10 year plans, promises, schedules, and what not, just to find that purpose- and we don't realise it, because we forget the picture since we're so shortsighted. As humans we complicate the simplest things, and the last thing that is complicated is...becoming intimate with Our Creator. Everyone can do it, from the lay person to the doctor.

And because everyone can do it, that's why life is such a positive experience. I mean, life should be a positive experience. And all of us, each one of us in this search for the purpose of life, is in a constant synergy, a powerful force that keeps us going- This force, that allows us to look at the lives of others, and say "oh man, things could have been worse if that happened to me, Alhamdulillah", or, doing little acts of charity that fill our hearts of happiness, and I can give countless examples...

Really, life is beautiful... I wish we weren't such a failure at realising that..."

Language of Dead Bodies

Reverend Coffin said, “Improve the quality of your suffering.”
Sometimes only an act born from the most outrageous grief and love, an act that tears your own heart, can actually do that — save the life of a not yet shattered child.

Robert Shetterly, Brooksville, Maine
www.americanswhotellthetruth.org

U.S. Military Losses Hit 4,000 in Iraq, Afghanistan

Four thousand U.S. service members have died in U.S. President George W. Bush's ``war on terror'' in Iraq and Afghanistan 5 1/2 years after American forces ousted the Taliban in December 2001.
A total of 3,596 have died in Iraq since the March 2003 invasion that removed Saddam Hussein from power. Some 2,957 of that number were killed in action, according to the latest Department of Defense figures. More than 26,500 personnel have been wounded in that conflict, 11,959 of them so seriously they couldn't return to duty.

...

Between 66,939 and 73,253 civilians have died in Iraq since March 2003,
according to the Iraq Body Count Web site that counts casualties reported by at
least two media outlets.
Read on Bloomberg

Good days

I just finished making my fruit custard ice-cream chocolate chip cake. The fruits I used are: cherries, melons, mangos, peaches and aaloo bukhara, and the ice-cream is: raspberry ripple. Now it's in the freezer for chilling.
3 days ago I was @ the Mall of the Emirates and I ran into a girl who was a year senior to me in high school. Yesterday, I ran into one of my own class mates. We exchanged numbers and emails and today Suben called me; he was pretty upset about the fact that I've been in Al Ain since November, and if I had not run into Fritzy, he would never have known.
Just before I left for Canada, I had spoken to Amit over the phone, who's working in Dubai, and was a year junior to me. And Huda's here until August, from Ottawa. Funny I tried so hard to meet up with her in Ottawa, and it didn't work out. I spoke with Ruby over the phone, her and I have been very close to each other for many many years, and she's getting married in August.
Also spoke with a friend who got married here in Dubai... can't wait to see her and her little son.
I can meet and connect with so many people around me... but the best of people are those whom I met in Toronto.

Living for a purpose

There were very few days I felt lost and confused about priorities in life, but when I lapsed into that state today, I knew talking to the Rock would be the only way to get me out of it.

I slipped out of my house, and went and sat besides The Rock. I was quiet for some time. I felt a surge inside me, of so many feelings and thoughts, and it was rare for my feelings to mix and fight with my thoughts, but something like that was happening.
"How are things ever going to change for me, when I can't make decisions fast enough? And I can't produce results efficient enough? And I can't experience change frequent enough?"
"Take a deep breath. There's no reason to worry!"
"Yes there is. Sometimes I know where I'm headed, but most of the times, I'm really shooting arrows in the dark."
"What's wrong with shooting arrows in the dark? With practice, one does not need the light if they know their target well."
"That doesn't make any sense. Life isn't perfect like that. And you're talking about a lifetime of a practice. And I don't want to shoot arrows in the dark. Why stumble?"
"Because sometimes, that's the only way to learn. And sometimes, lessons learnt that way are the lessons that will light up your path."

I was confused. The Rock was telling me that it's okay to continue to live the way I was living, the confusion was normal, because I'll learn as I go, and that'll take me to my goal. But.. it can't be that simple, can it?
"Well, what about the other ways to learn?"
"You experience those as well. Everyone does. In life, everything is so dynamic, how much can you plan, and expect it to go according to your plans?"
"But.. one has to plan, thereafter if things don't go as planned, that's a different story. In this world we're not just meant to sit and wait for things to happen, we have to work for them."
"Yes, that's right. You are right."
"Then?"
"Then what??"
I was exasperated. The Rock and I were just talking in circles, without getting anywhere. Maybe this was something I had to figure out myself.
"Nothing... thanks. I have to run. Bye".
The Rock smiled. Apparently, it was amused, as always. It looked at the colorless horizon. and knew that times were changing for her.
"Because, you still have to learn to live for a purpose", it whispered. But she was gone...

Elements of success

Alhamdulillah a week ago I had my Fitness Instructor Specialist pratical exam, and I passed it. The exam required me to train 4-6 participants, and present a 45 minute class to my instructor that had 4 components: warm-up, minimum of 15 min cardio, muscular conditioning and stretching/relaxing at the end. The exam had about 30 components that I was graded on. Passing the exam was truly a miracle since this exam requires a minimum of 3 months of training! Ihad all my friends stressed out about it. My music wasn't ready until the night before (because each phase of the class had a different BMP (beat per minute) and I had to add more songs the next day 2 minutes before the class).
But, behind the scenes, what helped me succeed was...

1. Most importantly, Afroza's running shoes. I had no idea they were hers. I just saw they fit me, since I had forgotten mine, and wore them. Sorry Afroza, and thanks a million! :D
2. My parents for letting me stay the extra days in Toronto to complete my certification
3. Faiza's room booking access on campus- for 4 rehearsals we did
4. My participants who volunteered their time, and came downtown from as far as Scarborough.. love you girls!
5. The other non-participants who really wanted to be a part of my class but couldn't because of various reasons..
6. Sawitri's sweatpants (and sometimes, shirt...) since I hadn't brought enough exercise clothes!
7. Sana's access card for stuff on campus
8. Powermusic.com for their fitness music
9. Athletic centre for all the drop-in recreation classes: AC has some of the best fitness instructors! Especially Martin who's the coolest, and who told me to count the number of beats in a 10 sec music clip- I counted 9, but he counted 20....
10. Dor- My super instructor, who was my teacher through this whole course. I learnt so much from her, especially leadership, which I hope I never forget, inshallah.
11. CANFITPRO for giving me the longest extension they've ever given on the practical exam! And Dor for helping me get that!
12. And my friends- Hafsa, Sana, Sawitri, Fatima, Kahkashan for being the best supporters ever and trying their best to be resourceful... hehe
13. I'm sure there's more that I'm not thinking of right now

Pain

"Allaah knows best, but maybe it was the continuous fear and shock throughout the 9 months or the fact that she was crushed to the ground on her stomach that day in the market that took its effects. Whatever it was, the baby had died during the labour or just before. After a very long ordeal for my mother, the baby, Muhammad (as had been the planned name) finally came out stillborn, but very beautiful. As relatives took him away for janaazah and burial, I remember catching sight of him wrapped in a white cloth with his jet black hair showing. To have a miscarriage is one thing, but to go through the full 9 months expecting a child, only to deliver him stillborn in a land torn apart by war is enough to drive any mother insane. But I doubt my mother had time for that, life had to go on. "

Taken from: War - A Collage of Jagged Memories
She's a beautiful writer.

Friends

I really have the best friends in the world, Alhamdulillah. I have so many stories to share about them, that I know I'll never forget!
For example, this one night... (after a long day...), a friend of mine was dropping me to aunty Farida's place. When I got there, the concierge rang her up, but there was no answer. I figured the girls must have gone to the garden on the 7th floor, so I decided to walk around Harbourfront. Sawitri, Afroza, her sister, Fatima and Sana were all hanging out @ aunty's. She's the best, mashallah!
After some time, Sana called and apologised, and said they're home... so I started walking back. I was quite far, I should have told her that, but my phone died. It was also just after midnight by then, which means I had been out for about 40 minutes!
....
At aunty Farida's place, the girls are all tucked-in the sofa bed, and they begin to panic. They call me non-stop, and there's no answer because my phone was turned off. Sana tells the girls not to worry because "Humairah had shown me some of her wendo moves, she'll be fine if something happens". They even call Hafsa to ask her if she had any idea where I was. Fatima and Afroza declared it's an emergency. Everyone was panicking left and right, and Sawitri says:
"Girls, I'm going to take a nap".

Crazy days

Alhamdulillah I'm back now. Most days in Toronto were just crazy.

The day before I was flying out, I had to:
9:30am- pick up my CPR card from Imran
10-11:30am- Fitness Instructor Specialist practical exam and briefing
11:30-1am- @ home, making list of things to do, phone calls, mummy's shopping list, etc
1-1:30- Lunch with a friend
1:30-2- Dhuhr @ Masjid Toronto, ran into friends
2-3:30- Biked back home, forgot something, did some more work
3:30-4:15- Hanging out @ Lubna aunty's shop in Kensington (been doing that for years now!)
4:15-5:40- @ the Big Carrot on Danforth, shopping for mummy
5:40-6:40- Went to Hafsa's place and hung out with her (she had a wisdom tooth extraction)
7:30-8:30- Appointment downtown with a TCM

Now the fun begins...
9-10:45- Memona dropped by to visit, we prayed and had dinner together- Afroza made some great food
11-12:30- We stepped out for bubble tea (I must have gone there about 10 times since my arrival in Toronto)
1am- Mido drops off stuff he wants to send for his family
1:30-2am- Ahtisham, Sana and Faraz come to see me and we hang out across the Bellevue firestation
2:30- 3- Chatting with Sana, sorting out stuff
3-4:10- Packing
4:20-7- Slept..
7:20am- called and woke up Mido
7:45-8- Weighed my suitcases (lol, that was alarming!)
8:30- reached the airport, but it took us 10 minutes to get the trolley and get out of the parking..
and yea, I had to take out 5-6 books to settle the weight...
Alhamdulillah, flight took off @ 10:20am

I miss Toronto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Miracle a Day

Today seemed much better, and I was eager to go sit by the rocks, and go over my thoughts as usual. And I wanted to know all about miracles.
"So?"
"Haha, alright, I'll tell you what happened", I said, "I had too many things to do, and I didn't get to think much about the miracles. But when I went to bed, can you believe this, I opened up the book I was reading, and the page had the author's version of what he thought miracles are."
"Excellent. But, you didn't just copy that answer, did you?"
"No of course not. But it did guide me a bit. So, it's your turn to tell me."
Miracles happen around you every single day. Real miracles, not just "results of decisions" in your favour. And you have to be in the state of recognising what these are.
"How do you recognise them?", I asked.
"If I tell you that, do you think you would begin to recognise them, and appreciate them are miracles? The word still has a lot of magic associated with it, that shouldn't be lost, and discovered only by the real eye."
"Hmm... the real eye is the one that sees these miracles around it every single day. Okay, I don't know how to recognise these miracles, and I also don't know... how are they related to happiness?"
"They are related to contentment. The state of mind where you love every moment of life, and you feel that with every miracle you see, no matter how many times, over and over again, you've seen every might and power of God that there is'
"Wow...I wish I could see these miracles... And, is that all a person needs? Knowing these miracles?"
"No, it's one part of life. The other part of life is the continual hard work.. And these parts are connected- Because every appreciation is only worth it after real hard work, and so is the case with recognising miracles"
"Why isn't it an effortless job?"
"It soon does. A trained eye, is a trained mind, body and soul- harmonised with the nature in which it is"...
"Oh! nature... and you, Rock, see these miracles? every single day? And being a mere rock is the greatest thing to you?"
"Mere rock? Gee thanks... Yes, I see these miracles, and that's why I've been here on this shore... for a very long time. And a large part of my life is talking to you."
"I'm beginning to realise... that you see so much more in life, when you stop to notice, stop to talk, stop to care...I notice the elderly and I help them. But... when I reflect on it, I don't see a miracle, I feel sad- Sad about the realities of old age, I always put myself in that position and wonder how would it be for me, when I get old.. yet, I should be feeling happy because I helped someone, and they were grateful for what I did... Where is the miracle here?"
"Again, don't look at situations that happen to you. If you ponder more, and more, you'll see the miracles there too- But first, you need to realise that these miracles, need to be noticed."
"Like bird watching?"
"You're almost there. What would you call an animal being able to fly without support in air?"
"A miracle?"
"hmm.....Miracles in life are your gifts to the world. When you say subhanallah at a a bird flying in the air- you are praising Allah's Might, you are feeling overwhelmed by it, and small, you are appreciating nature, you have diverted your mind from your own thoughts and issues to take a moment to notice something special... you are creating a feeling within you that is good- You are content, because you have just recognised a part of the reality of this world.."
"Beautiful..."
"Now you tell me", asked The Rock, "what else would be a miracle?"
"I know! Al Shifa honey!"
"honey??"
"Yeps. I was reading the label on the bottle a few days ago, and marvelled at the facts. Isn't it amazing that to produce 2 pounds of honey, bees travel a distance equal to 4 times around the earth, and that a single bee usually visits between 50-1000 flowers a day?"
"Yes, that truly is a miracle."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes! And thanks for your words. My distraction towards this new quest for miracles should really help ease my mind and bring me closer to Allah."
"Inshallah it will. See you soon!"

The Rock speaks

Since that day 6 months ago, I'd get up before everyone else, and run out to the shore, by the rocks and watch the water. My parents really chose the best place to live, this was so peaceful. These rocks were the place where my reality and dreams would clash, and my dreams would often rule, which is why I'd long to go back every single day, and no one at home knew about it.

And today, I had a memorable conversation with The Rock.

"How are you today?", asked The Rock.
"I'm good. My life is so empty."
"I can see that. It's because you don't let it fill up. Why don't you find things to do?"
"But I do so much. So much, that I fall behind. And there are so many things I want to do. My two days are never the same, and that's how a believer should be. The Prophet (pbuh) said, a muslim's two days that are the same is a loser".
"That's all fine", said The Rock, "but, what's the point in all this, if you don't have time to stop and observe the miracles...".
"What miracles?", I asked.
"You tell me. When was the last time you saw one?"
"Uhhh....I lost a gold earring and found it many days later 2 months ago, last week I wrote an exam without studying a word and aced it, I found a major sponsor for the event I'm organising next year.... "
"Are those really the kind of miracles that you would stop to notice? Or that you'd go out of your way to discover them, or that they're so special that you won't forget?"
"No... they just happen to me... and it's as if Allah's being merciful."
"Exaclty. What you are talking about are miracles, but those are mundane miracles", The Rock paused, and then smiled. "That's destiny, they're meant to happen, just as bad things happen too... but the real point of life lies in, discovering miracles that happen over and over again, every single day."
"Sounds magical. What are these miracles?"
The Rock's smile grew wider. It was getting late too, I had to be back in a few minutes.
"They are not miracles that you do not know. You know them, but you just need to appreciate their beauty from the depths of your heart. So you fill yourself with that, and then you'll never feel empty again".
"I have to go, but I'll think about what you said. Maybe, I'll discover these miracles before I see you tomorrow".

Matters of The Rock

The Rock is going to be a new category on my blog, a simple experiment... that I don't have the details of yet :P
I don't really another category/label, and everytime I add a new one it's after a lot of musings and debates. But here it is, Matters of the Rock. And I'm removing some of the less used labels.

Whom to give charity?

I will post the source as soon as I remember to look for the paper in Urdu where I read this hadith next time I go downstairs, but to the best of my memory:

A man came to the Prophet (pbuh), and asked - "If someone asks us for money, how do we know if they really deserve charity or not?"
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, "Give charity to the one who deserves, and also to the one who does not deserve, so that Allah (swt) may reward you for the deeds you deserve, and also reward you that which you do not deserve".

Mustapha

My friend and I were @ the foot of Jabel Hafeet, a beautifully lit green hill, in the middle of an oasis. Maghrib fell, and we heard the azan, and walked towards the masjid, but we were too far from it. My friend and I decided to pray out in the open on the grass. We walked to a cafeteria nearby to ask for the direction of the Qiblah. I noticed there was someone already praying inside the cafeteria, and there was a collection of prayer mats. I asked the guy for it in Arabic, and he was nice enough to take the mats, go out of the cafeteria and spread them out for us. We prayed, it was beautiful, with the vast expanse of green sand in front of us. We went back into the shop. I returned the mats to him, and he told us to pray for him. My friend and I without thinking said "inshallah", instead of making a dua for him. I guess it happens when you don't speak the language.
In that moment, I felt horrible for not being sincere to what I was saying. He was sincerely asking us to pray for him, he really wanted us to, perhaps because he didn't see a lot of people performing salah, that it was something disappearing slowly from around him, and when he did meet such people, he thought it to be a very precious experience...
"My name is Mustapha. Make dua for me using my name."

Asking someone to make dua for you is routine, whether it's in person, over the phone, at the airport or your MSN nickname. But just as asking is important, so is making that dua. And, what dua do we make for someone we don't know much about?
- To give them the best in this world, and the best in the hereafter, and to save them from the hellfire.

Upside down

Really. When I got my passport renewed in November last year, I opened up the new book to find out that they had stuck my signature upside down.
One could say that because my name begins and ends with an H, the person sticking it got confused, but the form clearly says that men sign on the left and put their thumb impression on the right- (or was it right thumb for men, left for women? can't remember)
Regardless, the thumb impression was on the wrong side too.

By the way Hafsa, it's an H, not a H ;)